I want to share with you the key learning that has changed my life for the better.  It took me until I was 44 years old to really get the significance of this, so I share it with you in the hope that it may save you some of the struggle I experienced.

My Wisdom

Back in 2010, I was deeply unhappy in my life for many reasons.  I had two kids and a step son that I felt, would have preferred me to not be part of his life.  I felt that through the early child raising years, that I had lost part of myself and my zest for life.  At the time, I was also feeling like I didn’t have a voice in my own home, which contributed to me feeling disempowered and stuck.

Prior to having children, I ran a large department with many staff with a big budget. Having resigned from my job to raise my children, I missed the ongoing connection with other professionals and likeminded people.   Somewhere along the way – life had got messy, I felt miserable and at the time, I blamed my husband for much of what was wrong in my life.

I thought everything would be different if only my husband was different – if only he would change and be the man, I wanted him to be.  If only he would step up, change his views, change his beliefs, change his behavior, etc– then all would be well. I thought life would be different if the kids stopped whining and helped more around the house.  I looked everywhere but at myself, for what was wrong with my life.

This had been my thought pattern for a long time. Sometimes when we are stuck in the day to day, it is difficult to see how things can be different and to get a different perspective. After waiting futilely for others to do things differently so that I would be happier, I knew something needed to change.

So, in 2010 I went on an incredible retreat. The critical thing I learned during this time was that if I wanted my life to be different, I was the one that needed to change.  I was the one that needed to do things differently and take responsibility for myself.  Responsibility for what I was thinking, feeling, and doing. This knowledge was truly life changing for me.

The only person you have control over is You!

When I finally understood that the only person I have any control over is me – WOW – the effect of understanding this was like a lightning bolt of truth.  When I truly understood that I was personally responsible for everything that happened in my life – I realised that it was up to me to change the things that I was not happy with. If I wanted my life to be different then I had to show up differently.  I had to stop putting my life and happiness in other’s hands.  I had to stop blaming others for what was wrong in my life. I had to stop being a victim and start taking ownership and responsibility for my life and my choices.

One of the first things I had to do was stop making my husband wrong for who he was.  This completely changed the dynamic between us.  I stopped trying to change him and started doing the work I knew I needed to do on myself. I also shifted my focus from what was wrong with him, to what was right and got present to the impact my energy and behaviour has on how others treat me.

I started to examine many of my beliefs to see whether they were working for me or holding me back.  Once I recognised that what I think, feel and act is a choice, my new awareness allowed me to start to make different choices.  Instead of life being done to me, I was starting to create life the way I wanted to experience it.

After reflecting on my beliefs and starting to understand my own patterns of behaviour I was able to begin making better choices.

For me, taking full responsibility for my own life has been fundamental in not only reshaping my relationships but all areas of my life, and allowing me to not only do what I love but support others to do the same.

Having now retrained as a Women’s Love Life and Relationship Coach. I lead and guide women who are ready to take personal responsibility for their own lives.  I support them to truly know and understand themselves so that they can build their confidence and feel happy and content again. As a Women’s Life and Relationship Coach, we explore their patterns of communication and behaviour and how this impacts their relationship. 

Through going on this journey many of my client’s relationships that were on the verge of imploding, have been recalibrated, with the love rekindled and their partner back as their lover instead of a roommate.