Cathy Fyffe

Hello, Cathy Fyffe from credit life to love back with relationship Hot Tip Number eight. Today’s tip is about the way we communicate with the person that we love, particularly if we’re unhappy.

So many of us stay in our headspace, instead of communicating from the heart. And so we have conflict, or we think we’re having discussions about the stuff that matters to us, or the issues that are annoying us. But what we’re actually having a conversation about is the irritations, the day to day stuff that gets in the way, instead of dropping down into what that day to day stuff actually represents to us, and why it’s a problem in our relationship.

So for example, if you have the ongoing conflict with your partner about why can’t you pick up your, you know, your dirty socks and undies off the bedroom floor? And they never do it? And we just constantly keep going, why can’t you do that? Why can’t you do that? Please do that. And we just feel completely unheard in that because we’ve asked them a million times, and they don’t do it. If we move out of that, this is the behavior that’s upsetting us into sweetheart, I know we keep talking about this. And you know what? It is about the socks and undies, but what it’s more about is the fact that I’ve asked you continuously to do that. And you don’t actually makes me feel like you don’t care about my feelings. It makes me feel like you take me for granted and that what’s important to me doesn’t matter. And that’s actually the stuff that hurts so so can you hear the difference? You know, are keep picking up your socks and undies all they hear is nag, nag nag when we drop into our heart and we talk about what actually like how that behavior makes us feel. That’s when their heart can open up. That’s when we can genuinely Connect over something that’s meaningful. And that may not have been the greatest example.

But I hope you’re getting the message that it’s it’s not the thing. It’s about whatever that thing is, makes you feel. If you can communicate from that place, if you can allow the vulnerability of your feelings to be communicated to your partner, you’d may just find that that’s the opening you need to take their communication to a deeper level and to have what is a bother to you to be heard for the first time.

I hope that helps. Enjoy your day. Bye for now.

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