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What to do when you are at the bottom of your own To Do list:

Cathy Fyffe

The importance of caring for yourself and how to do it!

With the day to day stresses of life, we women often forget to love to ourselves!  We forget to take care of us. Often, we become the least important person in our own lives, as we endlessly care for and look after others. Many of us find ourselves either at the bottom of our to do list, or not even on the list.

The truth is, in order to feel happy and content in our lives, we need to give to ourselves. We need to fill our own tanks. We know there are always going to be demands on us from supporting our kids and partners, working, shopping, cooking, cleaning, looking after pets and our elderly parents, maintaining the house. As you know the list goes on and on.  There are so many things demanding our time and energy that it’s easy to forget about looking after ourselves.

However, it’s vitally important to love and care for yourself – to value yourself.  Without doing this, it becomes difficult to freely and willingly show our love for those around us without feelings of resentment, anger and being taken for granted, starting to build.

There is a part in most of us that craves the love and nurturing we so generously give to our families and those who are important to us.  We have the same need to feel loved and nurtured ourselves. If we keep giving and giving and serving others without also giving to ourselves, the impact starts to show in lots of way.

The feelings of resentment and anger can affect not only our mental health but is so often a key contributor in the deterioration of our relationship.  The feelings of resentment build until we stop doing the things that keep our relationship’s warm and connected.  We pull back and stop giving as much because we don’t feel appreciated or cared for and this starts the downward spiral where slowly, slowly, bit by bit our relationship feels like a shell of what it used to be.  We become more like room mates than lovers and we begin to feel like we are doing life alone.

To learn to value yourself and recognise the importance of listening to your own feelings and desires, many women find that a professional women’s life and relationship coach can make all the difference as guide you begin to understand where and why your life and relationship is not what you wanted it to be.

Here are some ways through which you can regain your confidence, self-worth and create a happier and more fulfilling future for yourself.

Find yourself a Coach 

We seek guidance, advice and support from professionals for so many things in our life, but so many of us think that we have to deal with our emotional and relationship issues on our own.  Or we only consider getting support when we are at rock bottom.

Working with a women’s life and relationship coach can help you to identify exactly what is getting in the way of you living a life you love and provide practical tools and strategies that create lasting change.  The benefits of working with a coach can transform your life and you gain the deep understanding of your own beliefs, your values and what makes you tick.  With the tools and strategies you learn you are able to navigate your life with ease, confidence and from a position of strength. A coach can help you Rediscover You and regain your spark for life and your relationship.

Do small things for Yourself

Doing small things for yourself can be incredibly helpful in filing your own tank.  Commit to sitting down and finishing a cup of tea whilst it’s still hot, instead of having a sip whilst you continue to tick things off your to do list.

Get out in nature for a walk as often as you can.  Being in nature is incredibly healing and as walking helps energise our bodies, we feel better for it (apart from the physical health benefit).

Bring flowers in from the garden or make what you want for dinner rather than always putting others ahead of yourself.

Prioritise time for your own interest.  This year, I have started to learn watercolour painting – just for the fun of it.  Make time to do something you have always wanted to try.  Don’t put it off.  Fun for you is just as important as the things others in your family do for fun.


Try Meditation 

The practice of Meditation is the one of the best ways to fill your own tank. Meditation provides a way to connect your soul and spirit with your body. Meditation has so many benefits including increasing concentration, focus and reasoning. It encourages creativity, energy, productivity and better cognitive powers.  Meditation is now being used by more women to find that quiet place within. To take five minutes where you only have to focus on you and your own breath.  To notice your own thoughts.  There are lots of free apps available to make it easy to start this practice.

Keep a Journal            

Getting your feelings out of your head and heart onto a page can be incredibly helpful.  Keeping a journal allows time for reflection and captures how we are feeling and what is going on with us. A journal can help us process our emotions and identify any patterns of behaviour that may be going on that need to be addressed.

If you don’t have a women’s life and relationship coach or mentor, keeping a journal can support you, and help you feel less overwhelmed as well as provide some perspective.


Essential Oils

Using essential oils brings in several positive effects in your life. They are proven to reduce stress-free and support us energetically. Using essential oils in the right way can help you to change your mood and trigger-happy feelings within your brain. The soothing essence is the key that works perfectly on our brain, senses and hormones. There are various types of essential oils all of which have different properties.  Ensure you educate yourself before using them and use them safely.

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